A few notes -

• this series takes place over a couple weeks at most & is pretty fast paced - there’s barely any time to reflect on all this
• both characters grew up isolated with no friends (one had a few internet friends), being abused and made to dissect or torture people, and this is pretty much their first relationship (in the general sense) with anyone their age where they’re not hiding things about themselves
• kovit is a type of creature who feeds off torturing people. so just in general he has done a lot of torturing and killing and enjoyed it. Nita is also firmly well past ‘morally grey’ lmao
• I think the series does a good job of not implying that disinterest in sex/romance has anything to do with these things, it only really says that they’ve never had much of a chance to think about it before

Following is all from book 3, so somewhat spoilery (though not for the main plot I guess)

She thought he was going to kiss her. Her heart pounded, and her mind whirled. They’d kissed earlier today, a broken moment of pain and fear, emotions running high. She didn’t know what it meant, or how things went from here, or even where she wanted them to go.

“When I was a child, I used to be terrified of turning into an adult, because all everyone could talk about was how they lost control to their hormones, and the idea that I would just one day wake up and suddenly not be able to control myself was . . . Well, it was terrifying.” “That’s just an excuse people use to justify bad decisions. No one’s a slave to lust,” Nita pointed out. “I know that now.” He shrugged. “But it really got to me. It terrified me. All I have is control. If I lose control, what am I but the mindless monster the world paints me as? The thought of willingly participating in something where I would give up control was abhorrent to me.” [...] “Anyway.” He laughed a little. “Turned out I need not have worried. I’ve never really been, you know. Interested. Maybe all the puberty hormones skipped me.” “Well, if they did, then they skipped me too.” Nita shrugged. “I’ve never been particularly interested in sex either.” She considered. “I suppose I might try it someday to see what all the fuss is about.” A little of the tension left his shoulders, but some remained. “I guess it’s more common than I thought. The noninterest.” “Probably.”

He mussed his hair. “I . . . I’m not really sure what I’m feeling about all this. All the relationships I saw in the Family were—well, let’s just say they’re not the sort I ever want to emulate.” His smile was bitter. “And my other point of reference is movies, and whatever we have, it’s certainly not something you’d find on Disney.”

“You won’t hurt me.” Nita’s voice was gentle. She hadn’t truly thought about the impact of her actions. She couldn’t really get a handle on her emotions, she’d just been following instinct. It had seemed right to kiss him, so she had. But what did she actually feel? After a moment, she was forced to confess, “I’m not . . . I’m not sure about what I feel either.” He tilted his head, a question. Nita flicked her eyes to his and then away. “I just . . . I have feelings, and sometimes I feel like they need an outlet, a physical form of telling you how big they are. I don’t even know if they’re actually romantic. I don’t even know what romantic feels like. All I know about relationships is what I’ve seen on television. And on TV, everything ends in a kiss.” She considered. “Or a cut to a softcore porn scene.” He laughed at that. “Ouch. Too true.” She looked down, suddenly feeling empty and a little dark. “I’m not really sure what people mean when they talk about love sometimes. I loved my father, but obviously not, you know, that way. And I guess I’ve just never understood how romance was different from a friendship? I mean, aside from the kissing?” She looked away. “I don’t . . . I don’t know what any of these things are supposed to be like. I don’t understand what I’m feeling,” she admitted, and then she bit her lip and whispered, “But I don’t think I’m experiencing it right.” He frowned. “What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t think my feelings match what people say they’re supposed to be.” Nita couldn’t explain it more than that. There was a disconnect between what she thought her feelings were supposed to be—big, all-consuming, rose-tinted glasses, giddy with love—and what she actually felt. Something strong and warm and fierce, but not really . . . that. She didn’t feel lust, she didn’t want to rip his clothes off. She didn’t feel like he was perfect, his flaws were all still striking and real. But she did feel warm when she was with him, content and relaxed. He hesitated, then leaned forward and put his hand on hers. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?” She choke-laughed. “Yeah, we are.” They stayed like that, hands just touching, a unanimous decision to link themselves together, even though neither of them understood what kind of link it was

[talking with the side character]